Wondermentalist

The other day I was lucky enough to do a gig with folk circuit legend Les Barker and wondermental star turn Jude Simpson. We were all up in Carlisle at the Brampton Live folk festival. It was a treat to meet Les and share a stage with him and Jude, and one  in particular of Les’s poems struck me as having fundamentally wondermentalist properties. I asked if he’d mind me putting a copy up here on the site and when I got home there it was in my inbox, all neat and rhyming and funny.

 

THE CHURCH OF THE WHOLLY UNDECIDED

 

Brothers and sisters;

I speak to you today in the Church of the Wholly Undecided;

I wanna hear you say “Yeah!”

I wanna hear you say “No!”

 

We are gathered here together,

Sister side by side with brother,

To proclaim we are Agnostic;

Don’t know one way or the other.

In this, we won’t be shaken,

Though hard the winds may blow;

In doubt we are united

And we cry: We do not know!”

 

Brothers and sisters;

I wanna hear you say “Errrrrrrrrrrrr!”

I wanna hear you say “There are two sides to this, you know!”

 

We hold no fear of persecution,

It pains us not to be derided

As we stand here in the Church

Of The Wholly Undecided.

Oh my brothers and my sisters,

I know I speak for you

When I say we know for certain

That we haven’t got a clue.

 

Brothers and sisters;

I wanna hear you say “It’s beyond my comprehension!”

I wanna hear you say “It’s a bugger, innit?”

 

I believe that some believe

That only their beliefs are true;

Do I believe what they believe?

I don’t believe I do.

O my friends, be ye contented,

For ignorance is bliss;

We stand foursquare behind our message

And we don’t know what it is.

 

Brothers and sisters;

I wanna hear you say “I am not a sheep!”

I wanna hear you say “I will not mindlessly do everything I am told!”

 

We know that we don’t know,

So let our vision still be pure;

We are Agnostic Fundamentalists;

We’re fundamentally unsure.

Peace, my sisters and my brothers;

The Agnostic does not smite;

We are tolerant of others;

There’s a chance they may be right.

 

Brothers and sisters;

I wanna hear you say “Death to nobody whatsoever!”

I wanna hear you say “The infidel might have a good point, you know!”

I want you all to clap now.

 

I’m hopeful we’ll be getting Les along to a Wondermentalist Cabaret in 2009. Watch this space. Apart from anything it’s just a great bit of space. 

It was our last Seven Stars outing till October and what a wonderful and ever so very pleasant evening it was. Isn’t Jude Simpson a star? She is. If I had a pound for everyone who’s come up to me since the show to tell me how much they enjoyed her set – well, I’d have enough to go absolutely bonkers wild at a car boot sale, I can tell you.

For the introductory poem I put myself entirely in the hands of Dan, drummer of Nomad Shuffle, whose job it was to throw first a sugar-free biscuit then a packet of crisps from the wings directly into my outstretched hand. In such a way that I could catch it. Whilst not making it look easy. He did this, as if not making it look easy was easy. Which it’s not. Nor is it easy in the first place. Not for any of us.

The unusually talented John Elliott was next to stand up and be counted and he assured us, musically and lyrically, that ‘everybody’s different’ – in way that left me nursing the suspicion that some are more different an others. He was followed by Jackie Juno – without husband Brian Abbott, with whom she assures us she has a very special chemistry – nevertheless she achieved a winning musical-comedy intimacy with deceptively cherubic George Cooper. You may wish to confirm this for yourself on Traydio.

The Dead Poets’ Slam was one of the best in memory with Bill Greenwell, Surabhi Forest, Tony Gee, Jude Simpson, Jackie Juno and John Elliott treating us to ‘Banjo’ Paterson, Rumi, Anonymous, AA Milne, Vivekananda and Emily Dickinson respectively. Emily Dickinson won, by a one point, from Rumi, who was one point clear of AA Milne. It’s lovely to see late poets getting into the spirit of things. Her prize – a copy of Jude Simpson’s Secret Rapper – was collected on her behalf by John Elliott. What would Jude have received if AA Milne had won? It’s hard to say, because he didn’t. Not yet.

Jerri Hart was last up before the interval and like Ms Juno was accompanied by the engaging Mr Cooper, whose first name had stepped sideways to Jorges. Together they performed a rousing version of Sheikh of Araby that shall live long on the memory for the acts of wanton violence perpetrated by Mr Hart upon the dogged and persevering Jorges, and also for Mr Hart’s splendid trumpet playing which was in danger of being forgotten alongside his assaults on his accompanist, which fell somewhere in that happy middle place between slapstick and attempted manslaughter.

It was, as ever, a magnificent interval, with multiple contributions to the audience poem, this month on the chosen theme of ‘putty’. The poem, put together by Liv Torc, can be found in the next or next but one post on this very blog.

A prize was awarded and the poem was read out, to gasps of wonder, recognition and dismay. There had been talk of the audience poem being placed in the Totnes Times. Hmmmm, not this month maybe. However close to our various edges the putty poem took us, it was all a good introduction to episode six in the continuing adventures of Empath Man. I won’t tell you more than that the two muggers who attempted to rob him that night got more than they bargained for. One of them discovered a gift for rap and rhyme while the other, articulate beyond his aspirations, discovered a different form of self-expression. Please visit traydio. Subscribe to the podcast, if you can.

(By the way, everything I’ve said here is utterly butterly true - don’t you agree??)

It just remained for Jude to charm our pants off and win a deserved encore for her funny and moving poems and songs, before Jerri and I put the everyone into and then quickly out of their post-Jude misery with a beautifully moving and argumentative Shorelines of your Mind.