Wondermentalist

Blessed Bum - Strange Phenomenon - My Arse!

Topless thinking and wondermentalism don’t necessarily suggest either rejection or acceptance of strange and ‘fringe’ phenomona, nor a preoccupation with wonders and portents. Nevertheless when strange things occur within our orbit we do well to take note and pass comment. The following strangeness would have passed unnoticed were it not for a message from AF Harrold, celebrated poet (who we’ll one day get to Wondermentalist):

Hi Matt,

I assume there’s only one Matthew Harvey in Totnes… in which case I’ve just read about your curious chair-print. How peculiar.

Just thought I’d let you know.

And of course, if there are several Matt Harveys in Totnes and you don’t know what I’m talking about, then that’s a strange coincidence that someone should write to the Fortean Times about…

Cheerio,

Ashley x

Which led to these exchanges:

Hi Ashley,

I *think* I’m the only Matthew Harvey in the TQ9 postcode area, but it’s so hard to be sure of anything, really. A long time ago I wrote to the FT about my interesting chair-print, I was a subscriber at the time. I never saw it in the mag, I’d always assumed it was binned. Did you see it online, or in an old copy?

I’d love to know

Matt x

Hi Ashley, it’s a week later and I’m still curious and baffled as to where/how you came across the curious chair print. Please put me out of my mystery…

Mx

Hi Matt,

Sorry – I didn’t see your first reply… I wasn’t keeping you in suspense on purpose.

Well, the easy answer is your letter and pictures were in this month’s issue (I’m still a subscriber) – it mentioned nothing about them having sat on the letter for years…!

Go out and buy a copy now - it’s the one with a hippy alchemist chap on the cover.

AF x

Thanks Ashley, I’ll go out and buy a copy. I’m amazed they’ve sat on it this long, I’ve worked out it must be at least seven years since I sent it in, maybe more like nine or ten.

The really weird thing is, when you told me it was in the latest issue, my statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary started smirking…

God’s honest truth

Matt x

So, I went out and bought a copy of Fortean Times – the one with a hippy alchemist chap on the cover. And there, to my delight, was a snapshot I’d taken some ten years ago with an accompanying letter written not long after. Here are the photos (scanned from the magazine) and here is the accompanying letter. It appeared in the It Happened To Me section under the heading: Blessed Bum
   “The strange image shown above appeared on a canvas chair in our kitchen in April 1997. neither the bottom for the jeans were an obvious match for anyone in our household nad we were at a loss to explain it. Friends dubbed it “the arse-rubbing of Totnes” and it became something of a magnet, a shrine almost, for people fascinated by the unexplained. Comparisons with the Turin Shroud – though absurd – were inevitable, and people were not slow to theorise. Hypotheses ranged from the far-fetched (“The chair is haunted by the bottom of a former user”) to the even further-fetched (“A burglar suffering from ‘bottom dandruff’broke in,, sat in the chair, and left without stealing anything”).

A local healer suggested that “just as crop circles are a message from planet Earth to its out-of-touch, brain-limited antennae – humans – so might the ‘rubbing’ be a message from the root or base chakra, represented by the bottom, to the airy ‘heady’ atmosphere of our home, exhorting us to become more in touch with the processes of nature, of the body, of the material world.” Could be – it’s a s good a theory as any. Sneerers and sceptics suggested that someone in the house dusted his or her bottom with flour or talcum powder and then sat in the chair – but both of us swore this wasn’t so and, more tellingly, all efforts to replicate the image in this way failed.

Opinions varied as to the gender of the bottom. Most men tended to see it as female, while most women tended to see it as male. We allowed people to sit on the ‘rubbing’ for a small fee and had some surprising feedback. Reports of relief from minor ailments were not uncommon. These included rashes, runny nose, tickly throat, sore wrist etc. – all of which might have cleared up on their own. Less numerous but nonetheless regular were claims, subsequent to sitting on the rubbing, of significant weight loss from hips and thighs. One individual reported spontaneous remission of haemorrhoids; a majority reported feelings of increased wellbeing, clarity of purpose and internal security.

I must confess to having experienced none of these benefits myself and make no claims whatsoever for the image – save that I found it aesthetically pleasing, an interesting talking point and small but welcome source of revenue. I’d be interested to know if anyone else has encountered similar images or if they can come up with any more satisfying and feasible theories than those given above.”

If it hadn’t been for the attentiveness of AF Harrold I’d never have known. We must get him to the Wondermentalist.