Vital Statistics
Vital Statistics
“Statistics are like a bikini - what they reveal is enticing, but what they conceal is vital”
I read. And slept. And dreamt I was there
at the Vital Statistic Beauty Show
ogling a bevy of stunning stats
the smooth curves of their perfect percentiles
rounded to the nearest whole number
90%-of-Accidents-Happen-in-the-Home
was voluptuous as a pie-chart with one slice missing
69%-of-Household-Dust-is-Human-Skin
the acme of elegance in a plain line graph - axes left daringly blank
interviews were conducted by the square root of Michael Aspel,
chanting protestors were dismissed by the media as an unrepresentative fraction
the sash and tiara went to
86%-of-Women’s-Industrial-Injuries-Are-Caused-By-Glass-Ceilings
garbed in stark Arabic numerals
and I only guessed I was dreaming when
90%-of-Drivers-Believe-They’re-of-Above-Average-Ability
gave me her phone number…
Tags: beauty pageant, glass ceilings, Statistics, vital statistics